I said, “Not Today, Satan.”

That day.

I was grumpy. I thought about how the kids were going to drag their legs to the car; how miserable work will be; how I can’t do something because I can’t afford something else; how I am going to cook dinner with NOTHING left in the pantry, bllah blah blah.

About halfway through my miserable morning, I realized I was being a real ‘Karen’ and needed to change my attitude. I mean, get more like..uhhh…Beyonce? I don’t know…who is never in a bad mood? Maybe Jim Carey in the ’90s? Will Smith, before Chris Rock? Ah! The infectious John Mellencamp. Well, nonetheless I was in Donald Trump’s “YOUR FIRED” stage. And I was stuck!

Mind you, I have this beautiful puppy, right?

Let me rewind to 4 AM that morning…

Well, I woke that morning at 4 AM to diarrhea in her kennel. For whatever reason, she decided to say, “screw it” and just went to sleep in it. Gross. Therefore, she was covered in dried poop when I went to pick her up. What is this chic? A homeless drunk?

I knew the minute I picked her fuzzy butt up, she was drenched. It was now all over me. Immediately I said, “ew, ew, ew” holding her at arm’s length and shuffling all the way to the back door when yes, I slip and just about kill myself on more diarrhea. Mortified that my 4 am life is going this way, and feeling like I am wrestling a BIG BAG of diarrhea, I’m so over it.

I compose myself as best as possible and go hose my first layer of stool off of me. I go back inside–not to forget a variety of choice words to her.

At this point, I began to realize this is not going to be a good day. 100% chance of rain clouds following just me. I go get another shower while praying for all buttholes in this world to be amputated. How great would that be?!!

Getting to work. (I’m a nurse, of course.)

Late. It’s very hard to be in a chipper mood when you’re late. Knowing how the morning went, I just knew my patients were going to have 30 different stool softeners and it was going to continue to be a “crappy” day.

“Hahaha, not today Satan!” No stool softeners for you, I thought! I’m not falling for that one…jokes on you. I’m not giving it! I’ve had enough.

Well, it didn’t matter. The poor guy had C-diff. I felt so bad for him. It was like a large marsupial crawled up there and died, but threw up before he died. I really qualified for the top “crappy” day of the year. I was so over it. What was I to do about it?

Therefore, I felt the need to write about how ironically my day went from the minute I woke up slipping to my death due to diarrhea. I mean, if my kids don’t kill me or cause me to go insane, my puppy June may get to me first…her technique is incomparable.

Moving on.

The day got better.

Luckily, I was able to make a close relationship with my patient and his family that day, and THAT was a huge blessing. Although, it’s not hard to be close when you are so in-their-face/butt. Sometimes, one of the best things about being a nurse is meeting new and wonderful people in this world and building a relationship as if you are a part of the family. Well… as long as they aren’t “crappy”.

These days will come and go. Why not make the most of it? Most the day I kept laughing (maybe a little fanatically) about the absolute nonsense of a day it had become. At that point, I was powerless.

I just have to remind myself, “Not today, Satan!” And just keep walking with a pep-in-my-step.

When the day is done.

It’s over, it’s done. Every bad moment and every good moment will have an ending. Hey, I could have missed opportunities that God has aligned in my day if I don’t stay positive!

In all honesty,

All I know is, “Not today, Satan!” WE GOT THIS! And we keep going. And THANK GOD FOR BLEACH! Amen.

How is your day going? I want to hear all about it!

Good day to you all,

Farmer Franny

P.s. The day did get better but I was comparing it to the morning so the likelihood was mathematically in favor. And I continue to thank God for bleach.

PLEASE REFERENCE 10 Secrets of a Seasoned Mom.